


All For a Shitty Pun

by Novella_Winchester



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Puns, Crack Fic, F/M, Reader-Insert, just for fun, x Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 17:24:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8809525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novella_Winchester/pseuds/Novella_Winchester
Summary: Just a fun little crack fic for my pussy cat





	

**Author's Note:**

> I posted a list of prompts on my tumblr (@ambywrites), and this is based on prompts #4 “I’m too sober for this” and 24 “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka”. If you'd like to request a fic with these prompts please message me on tumblr

You practically dragged yourself down the stairs of Xavier’s mansion and into the dining room. It wasn’t even light outside, and barely anyone was there. You tugged your fingers through slightly tangled hair, groaning loudly. You got up and grabbed a bottle of water, chugging the whole thing before pulling a silver flask out of your jacket. “I’m too sober for this,” you mumbled, dumping the flask’s contents into the empty bottle.

You heard a tsk sound above you and the bottle was snatched from your hands. A small wail escaped your lips and you heard the person who had stolen your bottle take a sniff. “Really, (Name)?” Rogue asked. “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.” You growled and snatched the bottle back.

“Be glad that I’m not doing shots of whiskey right now. And that’s exactly the problem, it’s six in the morning.” 

The woman sat down across from you, casting a disapproving eyes on the vodka-filled water bottle. “I cannot believe you (Name). You’re not even going to eat anything, are you?”

You took a a long gulp from the bottle and slammed it back onto the table. “It makes me nauseous to eat this early, and you know the alcohol only gives me a buzz, I won’t be going crazy all over the students. Fucking super healing takes care of that. Do you know how quickly I have to drink to get drunk? It’s not even worth the effort.”

Rogue groaned and pushed her food around her plate. “You’re like an old alcoholic in a bar, except more cynical.”

You laughed at that. “If I’m an old alcoholic I’m one who can’t get drunk so I see why I’d be more pissy.” You stole a grape from her plate, and then another, and another until she just pushed the bowl of fruit toward you.

“I thought it made you nauseous to eat this early.”

You pointed a finger at her. “Don’t point out the contradictions in my character, just go with it.” She sighed. You leaned towards her and lowered your voice. “On a completely different subject, you wanna know what I did last night?”

The mischievous smile on your face pulled her back into the conversation. “Oh no, what did you do?”

“I know Remy was in your room last night. Don’t even say anything, I just know you too well.” Rogue pursed her lips and motioned for you to continue. “And I assumed that he would go back to his room about the same time you came down for breakfast, and that he would be too tired to really take notice of his surroundings ‘cause you guys were probably fuckin’ all night.”

“You are so crude.”

“You love me for it.”

“…”

“Anyway, while you were gone—keep in mind it took me about two hours to do this—I stripped the sheets off is bed and perfectly lined up—like a master, by the way—465 pieces of cornbread on his mattress, and then covered the whole thing up.”

“And why did you do this?”

“To make a cornbed.”

You were choking, trying to keep your laughter in your throat as you stared at Rogue, waiting for her to laugh. She was silent.

“So you spent two hours lining Remy’s bed with 465 pieces of cornbread for a terrible joke.”

“…”

“…”

“Yes.”

Rogue laid her head down on the table, laughing hysterically. She gasped for air. “What the fuck (Name)? You put so much effort into that for a shitty pun?"

You began to laugh as well, and soon you were both just laughing hysterically as everyone else in the room stared. You snapped out of it as you heard Remy scream from upstairs and you stood up suddenly, slapping Rogue on the back. “I’ve gotta go, I’m in the Danger Room with Logan today. Tell Remy you don’t know where I am, kay? I have a feeling that he’ll know it’s me.”

As if he’d heard you, you heard a very angry “(Name!)” coming from upstairs. Rogue laughed again. “But of course, I’d never tell.” She pressed a granola bar into our hand. “Eat this when you get hungry, because I know you will be in an hour or two and then you’ll be complaining to Logan all day.”

You held the granola bar up as you walked away, still grasping you water bottle full of vodka in the other. “Will do, mom.”

She blew you a kiss from the table. “We may look the same age but you’re at least fifty years older than me (Name), and I think I’d have a heart attack if I was your mom.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

You walked into the small box-like room overlooking the Danger Room and sat down in one of the big chairs in front of the control panel. Logan was still below, talking to the kids before he started the simulation. You spun the swivel chair—one you had specifically requested—and bided your time until Logan came up. 

“What’s on the menu today, pussy cat?” Logan rolled his eyes and flopped down into the chair next to you. “Ooh, a jungle scene? Nice. Oh! You should make one where the enemies are ewoks.”

“No.”

“They were an incredibly violent race pussy cat, I don’t say shit for no reason.”

Logan turned and—at an inhumanly fast speed—pulled you in for a searing kiss, his mouth sealing over yours. You moaned into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The moment was broken suddenly as a student smashed into the class window of the box. You could hear a few students laughing maniacally through the glass. “Those little pieces of shit,” Logan growled out.

You leaned back in your chair. “What’s wrong pussy cat? They can’t even see us.” You rested one boot on his thigh. Logan grabbed your calf and pulled you, swivel chair and all, towards him in one motion. You laughed as the seat of your chair hit his knee. 

He lifted you by the waist onto his lap. “Let’s see if you’re all bark and no bite.” You grinned and slipped your hands up under the hems of his shirt. He gripped your ass in both hands as you ground your pelvis against his crotch when a huge snowball hit the window. 

“Stop having sex in there!”

“Bobby Drake I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

.  
.  
.

Logan felt you shifting against his front. He had been staring at your hair and the slope of your neck for a few minutes, but now you seemed to be waking up. You ground your backside against him and he pulled you closer. You flipped over suddenly, eyes shining bright. He wasn’t sure if he trusted that look. “Logan, I think we should take our relationship to the next level.”

“Let’s get a dog!”


End file.
